Standing On The Cliff, Debating To Jump. Part 1

I am going to open myself up to the world of online judgment. This blog post is about online dating and my internal war; to online date or not to online date. About a year ago, I had a stint  with online dating that was only a few months.  I was highly unsuccessful. (you're judging and I know it). Those damn commercials for Match.com and eHarmony are so amazing.  They show cute couples who end up together… Okay, yeah they probably paid them to be married and they only pick the beautiful ones. So I am here debating, after a year, should I try online dating again and take a risk, or should I continue on my merry way, hoping one day someone will cross my  path and change everything. Here is the moment where you would insert every cliche thing you know. “There is someone for everyone” , yeah ok, total bullshit I say to that. Or “when you stop looking you will find someone”.  I find that to be horse shit too, because if I am not looking, how can I find someone? I can’t find my car keys if I am not looking for them…… just saying 

Okay, so now that you have spent the last two minutes judging me for online dating, lets que to the  statistics.  More than 40% of people meet their partner online now days. You stand a 3x greater chance at meeting someone online vs not at all. Plus, 2/5 couples are from online dating. That appears to be pretty good odds….  Here's a nifty little table for you. 

Total eHarmony members	15,500,000
Total Match.com members	21,575,000

Average length of courtship for marriages that met online	18.5 Months
Average length of courtship for marriages that met offline	42 Months

Anyways now that you have some information, let's here my story.  Then you can help me decide if I should jump off the dating cliff or continue to stand at the ledge, hating every couple at the grocery store.  Wait, let's be honest. I pretty much hate all happy couples as of recently….. 

Anywho… back to me. I have been doing my own thing for a few years now and have not dated seriously other than that stint on a few dating sites that were not as successful as those commercials make it out to be. So, I have been contemplating.  Should I do this again?   Let me give you a little history about myself.  I have a career  and  I work for a local utility company, running a program for the entire company.  It's a big job for one person. I own my house and have 4 dogs, several chickens, and two horses. If that wasn’t enough, I work out 5 days a week at a cross fit gym and I am currently working on finishing my MBA. I don’t have a lot of time or motivation to go out to a bar.. Que statistics… only 9% of people ever meet someone in a bar… I blame the beer. All of the dudes at church are too young, too old, or the just right ones are married… Initiate old maid dance sequence here. So I have thought well, when the right person comes along, we will cross paths and bam it will all work out… JOKE'S ON ME! No one talks to you at the grocery store.  If I go horseback riding, it's with women.  I go dancing, it's mostly women and older couples, and any of my other hobbies are pretty much with women. This is where the great option of online dating comes in.  I have begun to research and troll the sites to see what kind of people are out there. I have found a good mix, then there are some scary ones. Jess and I actually troll the sites and take pix and send them to each other of the guys who are just well… I am not sure how they thought posting some of these pix are okay, i.e. a guy posted one of him peeing….. Needless to say, I am very skeptical to take this jump again into the online dating world. I won’t keep all of you readers busy with my ramblings… I need some food and a good girl text chat with Jess to discuss my recent findings of winners and I will be back for The cliff jumping action part two. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post.  Can't wait for part two!  

We'll leave you with some wise words.

"Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women."

- Natalie Portman    

Soundtrack

• Love A Little Stronger- Diamond Rio
• You Lie- The Band Perry
•  If I Didn't Have You- Thompson Square

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Every once in a while, I let my mouth run and I don't stop to think of the repercussions.  Granted, this doesn't happen very often, it's few and far between, but when it does happen, it's huge.  I have always been a passionate person when it comes to the things I feel and believe.  Whether the topic is horses or my friends and family, or agriculture, I stand by what I believe and there's a reason I feel that way.  Now, I don't speak up very often.  I have anxieties about that.  Saying what is on my mind? Yiiiikes.  No, thank you.  I'll sit idly by, watch everyone else converse about their beliefs, and run a never ending stream of commentary in my head.  That's my comfort zone and boy, do I love it.

I have spoken up once or twice, and people go bananas.  "What's this?  You actually have thoughts of your own on this subject?" or "So did you just come up with that because we said the opposite?". Yeah, I don't even know.  Are they even listening to what is coming out of their mouths? Because it sounds ridiculous.  That's when I remember why I kept my mouth shut and my feelings to myself.   They aren't worth me stepping out of my comfort zone.  

But that got me to thinking.  When would it be worth me actually saying what was on my mind?  When would I feel comfortable enough around anyone to actually say what I believed and felt?  As of yet, I had been shot down, ridiculed, and even told how stupid what I had said was.  I believed them for a while.  Yeah, what I was thinking was dumb.  Why was I so stupid to let it slip out? Would I ever do that again?  Heck NO, I wouldn't be.  Lesson learned.  But there comes a time when just sitting back and listening gets old.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I stopped hanging out with people I disagreed with, because I knew I wouldn't enjoy myself in any way.  I avoided conversations at work or school, because avoidence (in my mind at the time) was the answer.  It was easier to stay to myself and be the quiet person who arrives right on time and leaves as soon as she's able, than to participate and make friends and actually live a life. 

Enter UNL.  Sometimes, all one needs is a change of scenery and good, old fashioned agriculture.  I met a life changing friend at UNL, who is still in my life to this day.  She was the first to show me what a strong, opinionated, and successful woman could be.  Thanks to the ever horrible first day 'ice breakers' that I can never seem to escape, we became fast friends and it's been a friendship that has lasted through several UNL Ag classes, Dairy Store runs, Cross country moves, Cattle gate trippin hazards, and even a wedding. Yet, she's never faltered in knowing what she wants or how to get it.  Saying what's on her mind and meaning what she says.  During my short...'stint' at UNL, we started a blog, and I finally had a chance to talk about what was going on in my mind.  Granted, the blog was anonymous, but it was still our feelings and thoughts and for once, people listened.  Our blog was relatively popular and it helped my self confidence grow and it brought me to where I was a few months ago.  I am so glad I am still able to draw on my friend's strength and confidence when needed.  Between her and Alexis, I'm set for life. :) 

Alexis and I have been friends for a while, but never as close as we are now.  We are completely truthful to each other, support each other in life, and honestly care about how we are doing in life.  It's tough going through life with anxiety problems, especially when life decides it wants to throw curve balls at you, coming from every direction.  Alexis and I have always made it a point to make sure we knew we could be completely and brutally honest with each other.  Just stop and re-read that sentence again.  Did you inwardly cringe?  Because I know I did.  Completely and brutally honest.  That's pretty damn honest. That's saying that we had the right and the ability to say exactly what was on our mind, no holds barred.  Let me tell you, I took that and I ran with it.  If I ever felt or thought something, I said it and after a while, I almost think I might have stopped paying attention to how it might have made Alexis feel.   We had said we could be honest, so why should I hold back?  Because there is such a thing as tact.  I should take a minute to think about what I'm going to say instead of just bursting in there willy nilly and going to town.  It hasn't broken our friendship yet.  In fact, I would say it's made it stronger.  I tend to go on a rampage to Alexis and she dishes it right back .  I can't even tell you how refreshing it is.  We never say anything that's hateful or mean, because we don't see each other that way.  But I know I try to be supportive and if I think something could be wrong, I say something about it.  I know Alexis will listen and I know she knows that I only have her best interest at heart.  I don't ever want to go so far as to sound like a parental figure or someone who is reprimanding.  But damn, once I get started? I find it hard to quit!  I kept it in for so long, all I want to do now is let it go!(<<<---- alexis="" font="" frozen="" look="" nbsp="" reference="">

I'm blessed, lucky, and amazed I have two friends I can be honest with and trust them to be honest back to me.  The truth can hurt, but I'd rather have someone I trust, than someone I can't.  I hope you enjoyed reading this.  It was kind of a tornado.  So if you have to stop reading after a few sentences, that's ok.  Even though, if you do that, you won't ever make it down to here.  XD  

We'll leave you with some wise words.

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” 
                       

-Shannon L. Alder

Soundtrack

• Beer Money-  Kip Moore
• Ol' Red- Blake Shelton 
• John Deere Green- Joe Diffie