The Cloak of Invisibility

Yes, finding a true invisibility cloak is left to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. However, for those of us who have anxiety, self-image/self-confidence troubles, and fears of the unknown, we have a wonderful trick and know just how to become invisible without needing our imagination or trying to remember to pick up our cloak from the dry cleaner.  

*~* FLASH BACK *~*

When I was growing up, I was shy, reserved and a bit different. As you have read in my past posts my childhood was far from normal and I cared more about getting out of school and to the barn. The kids in grade school were not nice, they picked on me and I soon learned the art of blending in with my surroundings. Pick a bench furthest from all the others, sit at the end of the lunch table, make sure you're last in line, and remain silent at all times.  It worked, the kids would leave me alone, it was only in those times that we had to do group participation or I was forced to be someone’s science partner, that I suffered most.  I knew who to talk to and who to avoid, who to sit next to and who you should not make eye contact with; you learn quick when you're bullied.  

 

*~* Travel to College Years*~*

After I graduated high school I began community college and it was great, you went to class at times you pick, no one notices you, there are droves of people, and I had adapted from years’ experience on how to blend. My chameleon skills have been honed and I flexed them any chance I had the opportunity to.  It worked for me, I made friends and flourished in this environment but when the time called I could become invisible and just go unnoticed.  Or so I thought…..

 

*~* Time Warp to New Career; Post College Years*~*

I got a fantastic opportunity, an internship. I was so excited, I started it, and I struggled. I didn’t fit in, I was expected to know more than I did, I struggled learning the ropes, I didn’t get proper training, I did not do well and my chameleon skills just didn’t work. Had I lost them? Did I lose all that experience? The answer was no, I just learned to ignore my surrounding, I learned to blend and I learned to block out people. They still noticed.  However, it was me who never noticed.  It was my first harsh lesson on life. You can’t just block out in adult hood, you can’t go home and hibernate, you can’t avoid, and most of all you can’t ignore your coworkers especially when you are the low man on the totem pole.

 

There it was, my first hit in reality, you were never invisible Alexis you just learned how to make everyone else invisible. It hit me like a lead brick right to my stomach. I had to choose to make the most of what I had, or just, well...there really is no or.  It's just or. I had to make the most of what I had.

 

*~* Zing into Modern Time *~*

It has been over five years since my internship, so much has changed and I have changed so much. There are times and situations that I can gracefully blend, my chameleon skills are hyper focused I can block out people and go about my life. I grab my invisibility cloak, head out the door and I am happy. Then there are days when someone picks on you harshly they exploit the pains of your past relationships, they find a weakness and pull the thread, and no matter how hard you try you just can’t go invisible. It’s there and again you realize that it is always you who makes everyone else invisible while they continue to notice you, even if it is just your flaws.

I can remember recently, Jess and I had one of our thousands of talks about singledom, I told her "I don’t know what it is. Guys just don’t notice me". She said “ They notice you, they notice you all the time and here is the biggest kicker, YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT.”  It is true, I have learned from years’ experience to not see, to avoid, to blend, and to just disappear in life.  However my time with Jess has showed me that I want to be less invisible, more present and to live to the fullest. I notice I now choose to smile, to defend myself, to speak up, to grab opportunity by the hand and let it take me. My Chameleon skills and invisibility cloak are no longer carried in my purse on a daily basis, I leave them at home.  My journey with Jess had forever changed me, I notice it has begun to change her. She makes choices she could never make before, but I am doing the same. We blog, text, laugh and cry together and I know its okay because she too has a cloak of invisibility, and we band together to enjoy this journey, to find our happy.  

 We'll leave you with some wise words. 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

                                          -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

 

Soundtrack

• Banjo- Rascal Flatts

• That's What They're Bitin' On- Tyler Farr

• We All Fall Down- Darius Rucker