As a friend, sometimes you have to learn to take the bench while someone else takes your place, usually in a relationship this happens. You meet someone become so infatuated that your friends take the sidelines for a short period of time and once the grace period is over they are back to being a starting player in your life and you learn balance. Well that’s how it’s supposed to go. But sometimes that just isn’t the story, not all relationships work that way. Sometimes friends get permanently benched while someone else becomes the star player and you are left standing on the side wondering why the coach keeps playing someone who hogs the ball, who makes game losing choices and who manipulates statistics to suit their favor. No matter how many times you point out the coaches bad choice inevitably you become the player who is jealous and can’t support the “teams” choices.
I have been that girl, I have been the girl who benched all of my friends and let one person play all the roles in my life. I had made a bad choice, and when we didn’t make it to the play offs, my friends were still there even though I had benched them, blamed them for the losses and then removed them entirely from my roster. I had to learn a hard lesson, that not one person can fulfill all the needs in my life, I need my friends, my family, and my alone time. It took one really crappy season to realize that I couldn’t do it with just one player. It also took another crappy season to realize I couldn’t do it alone. However, learning to be single has been a rewarding experience. I crashed, and burned royally. I went through all the phases, I was alone (panic). I was angry (hate everyone). I was sad (become a recluse) and then I took a stand. I started to get busy; I sold my house and bought a new one. I spent time with new friends, riding, I joined a gym, and I cut my hair short. I began to realize that who I thought I was, was always attached to who someone else was. I learned what I liked, and what I didn’t. I learned who my friends were and I learned to be a better friend not just one who takes, then benches people in my life.
I have learned that taking the bench sucks, I hate being benched in someone else’s life, so I have learned that benching people in my life is never a good choice. Recently a friend has benched me, removed me from her roster and then brought me back. However when I was brought back on the team I realized I didn’t get the same position I had before, I was more like a water boy. I get to come in when she or someone else needs something in her life. I am not a friend, I am not even a support role, I have taken the position to be used and set aside at her whim. It hurts to be in this role, because you love someone so much, you have been there so long and to just become an object in their life who is picked up and put down at their will really makes you think. I think about just gracefully bowing out, I think about telling her how I feel, and I think about the past about all the times she took a side line and came back to finish the game in my life. I have to make a choice, one that I have been avoiding for so very long. Will she understand, and will I ever get to take a better role all of these are outstanding questions to our friendship. I had always thought we would be together for life, to the end no matter what… If this person happens to read this, I hope they know that I love them so very much, I am happy for their happiness, but I hope that they love me enough back to know that I can’t keep being the object, that I want more out of our friendship, selfishly or selflessly I do. I know that I have put her in this role and I hope she knows that I am forever sorry and regret it daily. It is with tears, and an aching heart I write this and know what choice I have to make and I hope that they will understand.
Jess and I have both benched each other, we have both let other people take bigger roles than they deserve in our lives. We have both rejoined the dating scene but under the pact that no matter what happens we will never bench each other again. We have a common understanding that our relationship will enviably change and we will see each other less, however we know better now and we know that we can’t ever just replace one another we will allow room for another person in our lives but we will no longer have a one man team.
We hope you've enjoyed reading this post. We'll leave you with some wise words!
“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes is the family you’re born into and sometimes in the one you make for yourself” Carrie SITC
Soundtrack
• Hurt Love Box- Mark Ballas
• The Man I Used to Be- Matt Kennon
• All I Do- Wayne Brady
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