Lions, Tigers, Boyfriends! Oh My!

As a friend, sometimes you have to learn to take the bench while someone else takes your place, usually in a relationship this happens. You meet someone become so infatuated that your friends take the sidelines for a short period of time and once the grace period is over they are back to being a starting player in your life and you learn balance. Well that’s how it’s supposed to go. But sometimes that just isn’t the story, not all relationships work that way. Sometimes friends get permanently benched while someone else becomes the star player and you are left standing on the side wondering why the coach keeps playing someone who hogs the ball, who makes game losing choices and who manipulates statistics to suit their favor. No matter how many times you point out the coaches bad choice inevitably you become the player who is jealous and can’t support the “teams” choices.

 

I have been that girl, I have been the girl who benched all of my friends and let one person play all the roles in my life. I had made a bad choice, and when we didn’t make it to the play offs, my friends were still there even though I had benched them, blamed them for the losses and then removed them entirely from my roster. I had to learn a hard lesson, that not one person can fulfill all the needs in my life, I need my friends, my family, and my alone time. It took one really crappy season to realize that I couldn’t do it with just one player. It also took another crappy season to realize I couldn’t do it alone. However, learning to be single has been a rewarding experience. I crashed, and burned royally. I went through all the phases, I was alone (panic). I was angry (hate everyone). I was sad (become a recluse) and then I took a stand. I started to get busy; I sold my house and bought a new one.  I spent time with new friends, riding, I joined a gym, and I cut my hair short. I began to realize that who I thought I was, was always attached to who someone else was. I learned what I liked, and what I didn’t. I learned who my friends were and I learned to be a better friend not just one who takes, then benches people in my life.

I have learned that taking the bench sucks, I hate being benched in someone else’s life, so I have learned that benching people in my life is never a good choice. Recently a friend has benched me, removed me from her roster and then brought me back. However when I was brought back on the team I realized I didn’t get the same position I had before, I was more like a water boy. I get to come in when she or someone else needs something in her life. I am not a friend, I am not even a support role, I have taken the position to be used and set aside at her whim. It hurts to be in this role, because you love someone so much, you have been there so long and to just become an object in their life who is picked up and put down at their will really makes you think. I think about just gracefully bowing out, I think about telling her how I feel, and I think about the past about all the times she took a side line and came back to finish the game in my life. I have to make a choice, one that I have been avoiding for so very long. Will she understand, and will I ever get to take a better role all of these are outstanding questions to our friendship. I had always thought we would be together for life, to the end no matter what… If this person happens to read this, I hope they know that I love them so very much, I am happy for their happiness, but I hope that they love me enough back to know that I can’t keep being the object, that I want more out of our friendship, selfishly or selflessly I do.  I know that I have put her in this role and I hope she knows that I am forever sorry and regret it daily. It is with tears, and an aching heart I write this and know what choice I have to make and I hope that they will understand.

Jess and I have both benched each other, we have both let other people take bigger roles than they deserve in our lives. We have both rejoined the dating scene but under the pact that no matter what happens we will never bench each other again. We have a common understanding that our relationship will enviably change and we will see each other less, however we know better now and we know that we can’t ever just replace one another we will allow room for another person in our lives but we will no longer have a one man team.  

 We hope you've enjoyed reading this post. We'll leave you with some wise words! 

“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes is the family you’re born into and sometimes in the one you make for yourself” Carrie SITC

Soundtrack

•  Hurt Love Box- Mark Ballas

• The Man I Used to Be- Matt Kennon

• All I Do- Wayne Brady

  

 

 

Assuming? Please Don't.

There aren't too many things in this world that seriously irk me personally. Sure, there are people that get on my nerves or  things that happen in society that I severely dislike and wish didn't happen. But the stuff I take personally is when someone just assumes something about my life or assumes they're better than me. Yes. I take that personally and I find it hard to just let it roll off my back. 

This is something I've found my whole life .  When people look at me, they don't see someone who commands attention or someone who looks like they've been around the world and back.  I don't flaunt my education degrees, I don't value my life on how much money I make. I guess I appear naive and sometimes stupid, but I'm not. When I talk to people, I'd rather assume they know what I'm talking about or are on some equal level, than just decide that I'm the smarter one or I'm the one that is more important. 

I can't tell you how that rags on my self esteem and self image. Because 'you' seem to think that I am to be treated as some one lower than you doesn't make it true. I've been quite a few places and I have raised quite a few animals and I read a helluva lot. There's quite a bit more information in my noggin than the rest of the world thinks. 

Give me a chance to ask you if I don't know or, in the very least, don't talk down to me. There isn't anything else in the world that makes me view you as ignorant or self righteous as talking down to me does. And let me tell you, that drops you on the kind if person I may have thought you were and I stop giving you the benefit of the doubt. 

I don't know. My posts are usually a little bit more cheerful than this. Or at least, a little less directive. I am not aiming this at you guys, as the readers. "You" was meant more as a way for me to get my frustration out, speaking to those people who have come into and out of my life who just assume. Don't people know what is said?  Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Duh. Haha. 

I hope this entry wasn't too Bleegh. But this blog is all about us and what we deal with on a daily basis. Let us leave you with some wise words. 

"Never assume people's motives. It's the easiest way to find yourself upset over nothing, or misjudging people." 

                                                  - Lecrae

Soundtrack. 

•  Walk Away- The Script

• Up On The Ridge- Dierks Bentley

• Can't You See- Waylon Jennings 

The Cloak of Invisibility

Yes, finding a true invisibility cloak is left to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. However, for those of us who have anxiety, self-image/self-confidence troubles, and fears of the unknown, we have a wonderful trick and know just how to become invisible without needing our imagination or trying to remember to pick up our cloak from the dry cleaner.  

*~* FLASH BACK *~*

When I was growing up, I was shy, reserved and a bit different. As you have read in my past posts my childhood was far from normal and I cared more about getting out of school and to the barn. The kids in grade school were not nice, they picked on me and I soon learned the art of blending in with my surroundings. Pick a bench furthest from all the others, sit at the end of the lunch table, make sure you're last in line, and remain silent at all times.  It worked, the kids would leave me alone, it was only in those times that we had to do group participation or I was forced to be someone’s science partner, that I suffered most.  I knew who to talk to and who to avoid, who to sit next to and who you should not make eye contact with; you learn quick when you're bullied.  

 

*~* Travel to College Years*~*

After I graduated high school I began community college and it was great, you went to class at times you pick, no one notices you, there are droves of people, and I had adapted from years’ experience on how to blend. My chameleon skills have been honed and I flexed them any chance I had the opportunity to.  It worked for me, I made friends and flourished in this environment but when the time called I could become invisible and just go unnoticed.  Or so I thought…..

 

*~* Time Warp to New Career; Post College Years*~*

I got a fantastic opportunity, an internship. I was so excited, I started it, and I struggled. I didn’t fit in, I was expected to know more than I did, I struggled learning the ropes, I didn’t get proper training, I did not do well and my chameleon skills just didn’t work. Had I lost them? Did I lose all that experience? The answer was no, I just learned to ignore my surrounding, I learned to blend and I learned to block out people. They still noticed.  However, it was me who never noticed.  It was my first harsh lesson on life. You can’t just block out in adult hood, you can’t go home and hibernate, you can’t avoid, and most of all you can’t ignore your coworkers especially when you are the low man on the totem pole.

 

There it was, my first hit in reality, you were never invisible Alexis you just learned how to make everyone else invisible. It hit me like a lead brick right to my stomach. I had to choose to make the most of what I had, or just, well...there really is no or.  It's just or. I had to make the most of what I had.

 

*~* Zing into Modern Time *~*

It has been over five years since my internship, so much has changed and I have changed so much. There are times and situations that I can gracefully blend, my chameleon skills are hyper focused I can block out people and go about my life. I grab my invisibility cloak, head out the door and I am happy. Then there are days when someone picks on you harshly they exploit the pains of your past relationships, they find a weakness and pull the thread, and no matter how hard you try you just can’t go invisible. It’s there and again you realize that it is always you who makes everyone else invisible while they continue to notice you, even if it is just your flaws.

I can remember recently, Jess and I had one of our thousands of talks about singledom, I told her "I don’t know what it is. Guys just don’t notice me". She said “ They notice you, they notice you all the time and here is the biggest kicker, YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT.”  It is true, I have learned from years’ experience to not see, to avoid, to blend, and to just disappear in life.  However my time with Jess has showed me that I want to be less invisible, more present and to live to the fullest. I notice I now choose to smile, to defend myself, to speak up, to grab opportunity by the hand and let it take me. My Chameleon skills and invisibility cloak are no longer carried in my purse on a daily basis, I leave them at home.  My journey with Jess had forever changed me, I notice it has begun to change her. She makes choices she could never make before, but I am doing the same. We blog, text, laugh and cry together and I know its okay because she too has a cloak of invisibility, and we band together to enjoy this journey, to find our happy.  

 We'll leave you with some wise words. 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

                                          -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

 

Soundtrack

• Banjo- Rascal Flatts

• That's What They're Bitin' On- Tyler Farr

• We All Fall Down- Darius Rucker