What are things you are afraid of?
Oh man. Just seeing this question has started my anxiety going and my mind to think of everything I haven't done. An easier list would be 'What are things I am NOT afraid of." But, sadly, that's not the question for today. What are things you are afraid of? Inhale deep breath, wait a moment and exhale slowly. You can do this, Jess. It's not so hard. Just type a few things that go bump in the night and are creepy crawly. There. Done, right? WRONG. That's not what this blog is about and it's not what Talkative Tuesdays are all about. Well, yeah. We want Talkative Tuesdays to be a way for you to get to know us, but also it's a way for us to get to know ourselves. Sometimes the questions might be easy and seem silly. But then we get questions like these. They aren't so easy or silly.
When I was younger, I was always proud of myself that I wasn't scared of very much. Bugs didn't bother me, heights were something to be proud of, and the deep end of the swimming pool held mysteries and stories to be uncovered. Then came getting older and experiencing 'real life' instead of the sheltered world I grew up in. I can't say I was prepared for it. Life crashed into me like a wave crashing into the rocky, scraggly, cliffs in an ocean storm. Needless to say, I did not survive like the cliffs do and was a point, worse for wear. I had never figured that fear could be about something that wasn't physical or right there in front of you. But it can be. Fear isn't always something that is tangible or palpable. Sometimes, it is what is burrowing it's way deep into your mind and staying there, ready at the slightest moment, to be the one thing you can't stop thinking about. I have known people that say that fear is only fear if it's something you can overcome physically. Mental fear doesn't exist. I can't agree with that. Fear does not mean the same thing to everyone.
Sure, I have physical and tangible fears. But I also have fears that reside in my mind and wreak havoc on my life and feed my anxiety. Physical fears? Roaches. Digusting creatures that can live even after they've been squished, sprayed, or eaten by chickens. ALSO, they can fly! WHAT THE HECK! That is so not even fair. Mental fears? That list can go on and on. I have fears about talking on the phone to people I don't know. What if they think I sound funny? What if I don't respond right away and they think I don't care? What if my mental dyslexia kicks in and I mess up what I'm saying? Then they'll think I'm an idiot. Sure, they can't see me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not cringing and possibly blushing. Going up to someone I don't know and asking for something or if it's free? Fuggadaboutit. My heart starts to race, my hands start to shake, and I start to shake my head. Even writing about it now is bringing that up. Sure, they see tons of people all day, but I'll be the one they remember. That idiot who asked if something was free. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Sadly, the amount of stupidity it holds doesn't lessen the amount of fear it strikes in my head.
Other things I'm afraid of? Talking to guys, going for an oil change, ordering coffee at Starbuck's, people begging for money on the side of the road, the kiosks in the mall with the people who try to grab you as you walk by for a sample, clothes shopping, getting a manicure, people touching me, setting up my Etsy Store, traveling alone, and going to the gym. Believe me. This isn't the entire list, but we would be here forever.
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| Ain't nobody got time for that! |
It's quite the list of mental blocks and fears, but they are all fears that I am working on overcoming. They can't all be tackled in one day, but I can work on them, one at a time, until I am able to control them and do these activities in a normal way. It won't be easy, but man, will it be worth it.
-Jess
"Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins."
-Charles Stanley
Soundtrack
- Always The Love Songs- Eli Young Band
- As She's Walking Away- Zac Brown Band (feat. Alan Jackson)
- We Go Together- John Travolta and Oliva Newton-John
