The Dance

"I am glad I didn't know the way it all would end,

the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I would have had to miss the dance."

Every now and then, I bring out my old iPod, from way back in the day, and the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks, plays out of my speakers.  I always turn it up because it is one of my all-time favorite songs.  Recently, this song takes on a new meaning for a few things in my life, or maybe even my entire life.  If we were to really know exactly how it would all go, exactly how it would all end, we would change everything!  We would change the ending.  However, how can I experience all of what God has planned for my life if I know how it all would end?

For the longest time, I would hear this song and tears would stream out as I mumbled the words.  I think about Danny, I think about how she was such a big part of my life and how she gave me the gift of love, friendship, family, trust, and freedom.  My childhood was not the perfect story of a loving family,  a spoiled child who had everything.  I may not have been the girl who always got a pony for Christmas, but we must always remember that things are not always as they seem.  My childhood was different than most, I spent a long time trying to fix my past.  I'm slowly learning to let it go. Let it go and let God.  Sometimes we aren't given a great hand of cards and sometimes we have to leave home to figure out who we are.  Danny was my home for a long time and she was what made life real.  She was who I always wanted to be and she was the one who always loved me no matter what.  When Danny was called home, I became homeless and I lost myself, my life.  But I have to remember that sometimes, leaving home is one of the greatest gifts in life.

When I hear this song, I flicker back and forth between memories and reality.  I think about if I knew that she would pass on abruptly, stopping my entire world, would I have given up all those memories?  For a while, the answer was a resounding yes.  Yes, I would have don't anything to stop my heart from hurting. I hated this song.  I would punch the button and shout "NEXT" and change the song with such force that I am surprised the clicker on the iPod still works.  Over time, I have slowly accepted her as part of my life, as  apart of me, as a part of who I am and who I once was.  "For a moment all the world was right, how could I have known you would ever have to say goodbye."  I am glad I didn't know how it would all end because I would have never given my heart so freely to something and allowed it to change my life and who I am forever.  Those memories are still painful, but those memories are a part of who I am.  At one time, I wanted so desperately to just be disposed of it, dispose of who I was to replace it with something that didn't have to hurt so bad.  But I have to remember how great a love it was to have, that it hurts so badly now.  I know I was living then because I have hundreds upon thousands of memories with Danny.  Some of them, I am not ready to bring up and others flow in and out of my heart like and ocean tide.  They serve as a faint reminder that she may only be a humming bird gracing the wind, but I am still here with all that was her.  I must remember to live life to the fullest and not drift from what has made me who I am today.

Yes, my life is better left to chance.  I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance.  I hope you enjoy reading this little  sneak peek into my life and memories.  Life isn't always easy, but it's always worth the dance.

We'll leave you with some wise words.

"It's possible to go on, no matter who impossible it seems."

- Nicholas Sparks   

Soundtrack

• Crazy Town- Jason Aldean 
• Young Love(Strong Love)- The Judds
•  Let It Go- Tim McGraw