For a very long time, this was something that fueled my anxiety to the point that it became unbearable. I can't remeber a time that I've been happy with the person I am, or was, for longer than a few hours and I always... always thought because I wasn't a "Cool" person or an "insanely smart person" that people wouldn't want to be around me. That because I wasn't happy with who I was, people would notice and shy away. People would instead use me for their own comfort and then toss me aside when they were done.
I can't really blame them. I never made sure to enjoy who I was or to tell myself that "making mistakes is a normal part of life". Everyone makes them. It just depends on who uses it as a lesson and moves on and who uses it as an excuse to stay down. I would keep all my failures and mistakes on what seemed like flash cards in my brain and whenever I would do something great or start to enjoy myself, my brain would be ready with a flash card of a mistake I made or a mess I created, to remind me that I couldn't be happy.
I have three people that have come into myself at different stages that have helped me to realize that mistakes are just that. Mistakes. And I should use them as a stepping stone to be happier with who I've become. My crazy partner in crime from Nebraska, my ex boyfriend, and the other half of shenanigans and adventures are the people that I have learned from and continue to learn from.
Being happy about who I am isn't just about everything nice done right or how few mistakes I've made. It's about trying to live the best that I can and to accept the mistakes and learn from them and then to power onward. Being happy about who I am is about not reading deeper into what my brain says about me. Or taking what other people say about me and maximizing it.
I needed to realize that I have something to offer this world and the people in it and I have a purpose here on this Earth. Granted, I have no idea what those things are yet, but they're there. I can be proud of who I am. And I need to strive to continue making choices that help me be proud of myself. If I am an overall happy person, reason would allow that I should be happy with myself too. It's not an easy journey, but I'm working on it.
One of my first steps is crossing something off my list of things I've always wanted to do. I did some crossfit with Blade, but we had never had the chance to join an actual Crossfit Box. Guess what. I've joined a Crossfit box! Yayyyy! Dance party timeeeeee. Yes. It's scary. But it's also so worth it. This is something I'm going to conquer and I will start to believe that I'm stronger because I will be. It will be an interesting journey, but it will be fun and I can't wait to share. :)
I hope you've enjoyed today's post. Let us leave you with some wise words.
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
-Hebrews 12:11
Soundtrack.
• Drunk On A Plane- Dierks Bentley
• Drink To That All- Jerrod Neimann
• Little Red Rodeo- Colin Raye
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